To Shinnie.

I never thought I would miss you this much. I'm over the hurt, past the bitterness, beyond the angst, but seeing you makes my heart so heavy. Your voice, your laughter, your awkward smile—I want them back in my life. I love seeing you so happy, but it saddens me to know that I can't be a part of that happiness.

I'm in a good place right now, with someone I care about deeply, someone who makes me smile in ways you never did. But at the same time, there's so much he's lacking that I had found and treasured in you. The maturity, the subtlety, the high-level vocabulary, the sheer amount of thought you put into everything. It astounded me. You absolutely blew me away, Brandon. I've never been so dazzled by a person until I met you. Too bad you didn't feel the same way about me.